It is nice to know, in a world where social institutions crumble, families fragment and move to the far corners of the earth, and the settled verities are called ever more into question, that we can still rely on certain constants.
Today, we celebrate one of those constants, if only in the United States. And this is truly a case where American exceptionalism cannot be seriously questioned. This is a celebration in which European nations cannot plausibly participate. Only in the United States can this particular event happen.
In case my meaning is unclear, I’m talking about pi. Yes, tonight at we will all have the unique, once-in-a-century opportunity to celebrate one of the Universe’s enduring constants, that irrational quantity without which we cannot even begin to calculate the circumference of a circle or its area — never mind the volume of a cylinder!
Today is March 14, 2015. Or as we in the United States would notate it, 3-14-15. So at 9:26:53 tonight, we will experience 3.141592653. (Pi actually continues indefinitely. Since I was a teenager, I’ve known it by heart to seven decimal places. This is nothing to brag about. My old friend Clifford can recite it to 50 decimal places, and does so at every opportunity. Which are few and far between.)
The way to celebrate is recognized as being the consumption of pie. Cherry, pumpkin, Boston creme, plain ordinary apple, any will work. My kids are planning to make an Oreo ice cream cookie pie.
It is not entirely clear whether the proper procedure is to pre-cut the pie into slices and serve it out, with each participant attacking their own slice at 53 seconds after 9:26, or whether that is when the unblemished pastry should be put to the knife.
Why can’t Europeans pitch in? Because in the rest of the world, the convention is to abbreviate dates day-month-year. So today is 14-3-15. No kind of mathematical constant to celebrate there. When will Europeans get their pie? Never. There will be no 3rd of the nonexistent fourteenth month this year, or in any other.
Let’s hoist our forks together this evening. This is a chance to unite our families around something we can all believe in, something as American as apple…pi?